Ramblings

I never use this blog anymore, but I feel like writing tonight. About what, I am not quite sure, so I shall just see where this goes. I feel like my writing voice is the deepest part of me, but no one really recognises it. Even my best friend doesn't really know that part of me, no matter how amazing he is. And sometimes I'm not sure I want him to; not yet, anyway. Maybe it's just another part of me that is meant only for the one I can give everything to. I kind of like that thought. I, like all others, am a mystery, only to be solved by the one who holds my heart and in whose hands I place my all. I don't know when that will be but until then, no one else will really know who I am. Except for Heavenly Father, of course. He already knows me better than I even know myself, and I'm grateful for the glimpses of my potential that He gives me every now and then. 

I hold myself back a lot. I tell myself that I am no good at something and leave it to those who are openly skilled in that area. What a poor facade for the fear of failure. I know that I can do anything I set my head and heart to, but far too often I tell myself that I shouldn't try. My mind is full of wonderful ideas, thoughts, poetry, art, inspiration. But I am too afraid to disentangle them from the strands of my brain that hold them tight, away from scrutiny or competition. So I hide them away and watch as other people shine, letting them bask in their light whilst secretly wishing I could be as brave.

Every day, I want to do something that helps me grow. I'm tired of being stuck in the same position, content, smiling, but longing to reach higher and achieve so much more. Good grades mean nothing if you can't see what you're working towards. Dreams are just wishes unless you work to make them come true. 

I want to help you be better but I need to be better myself, too. It feels strange writing about you like this. How deep do you run through my veins? On the surface, I love you more than anything, but somewhere beneath it, I'm afraid I'm letting go of something amazing, something more real than anything that we can ever have right now. And it's true, sometimes I am disappointed. Not just in you, but in me, too. I know we can always work harder, but maybe we shouldn't. That's what I'm always afraid of. Maybe we'll keep holding each other back because we just want to stay in the moment, the time that we can spend together, before the uncertainty that comes with the tomorrow. When I think about the future, I definitely see someone but it's not necessarily you. I know that's okay, but sometimes I wonder. I wonder why, and I wonder what I'm missing out on and who is missing out on me.

Does this sound too negative? I hope not. I am a wondrously blessed, joyful soul. I love who I am and what I have to give, some of which I am learning to share right now. But I know there is so much more for me, and I would do anything to get that, to be that. At least, I hope I would. 

I am so grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't understand everything yet, but I know that He has made a way for me to change, and that through Him, I can do anything. I think I need to know Him better.

It's rather late, and I have assignments to work on in the morning. I'm not sure why I want this on my blog and not my journal, but I won't question it right now, too tired. Good night x

& why be afraid to make an honest mistake? ♫♥

Together by Demi Lovato ft. Jason Derulo, heard it for the first time yesterday and the fiftieth time today. :D

Last Friday, I was lucky enough to attend my best friend's graduation and formal (or prom, as he calls it). It was actually a new experience for me, because even though I graduated high school last year, I never went to any of my school formals. They were always organised by students without any school involvement (for insurance reasons, I think), and for that and other reasons, weren't exactly the kind of setting I would feel comfortable in. His formal, however, was so, so nice. He went to a private Christian school, so already the standards were already similar to mine and there was just a really nice atmosphere.

The formal was at a function centre and his group of friends travelled there in a Hummer limo, which was a first for me. At the venue, there were round tables for ten set up, and we had a sit down dinner with speeches and awards between courses. Then there was, of course, dancing and photo-taking and talking and laughing and all that jazz. Thankfully, I wasn't the only person at our table who wasn't from his school, so in all the class photos and teary goodbyes at the end, I had people to hang out with instead of standing there awkwardly by myself. Everyone was so lovely and it was nice to be able to get to know his friends a bit better. Despite random people coming up to me claiming positions at a wedding I was unaware I was having, I had a simply delightful time. :) It was so funny though, on the way back from the formal (a friend's mum was driving us), my best friend fell asleep and starting snoring. We were all trying so hard not to laugh loud enough to wake him up. He did eventually, and was grumpy for a bit then promptly fell back to sleep. :)

Since it wasn't my formal, I wasn't planning to spend much money or time on it. Luckily, it wasn't an issue finding something affordable and modest to wear, because I already had this purple dress that I'd purchased at an op shop a year or so ago, for a church ball. I just borrowed a black bolero from my brother's girlfriend, gave myself a French manicure (with $4 white nail polish), straightened my hair (it's usually really curly, so I thought something different might be nice), did my make up in record time of about 5 minutes and voila, I was at least passable.

Dress: Paco PM - thrifted ($15)

Bolero - Ice (borrowed)

Shoes - thrifted ($5)

Nawww, he got me a corsage and his mom took sneaky photos while he put it on. Also, you can't really tell in these photos, but when he bought his new suit (he needed it for Church anyway), he also bought a purple tie, hoping it would be the same shade as my dress... It was and we matched perfectly. :)

I haven't said much about his actual valedictory ceremony at school, but let me tell you, just to get there by 9 am, I had to be up by 4.30, and on the bus by 6.15 am with all my formal things in a big backpack. I ended up getting a bit lost anyway, and his Dad had to come pick me up. Haha all that matters is that I was there for his graduation, no matter how tired I was that night (I ended up getting home about 1 am).

Anyways, I'm rambling now and I think I'm just procrastinating all the things I should be doing today.

Also, I've decided to read the Bible. I've studied both the Old and New Testament at seminary, but never read it the whole way through by myself. My plan is to read a couple of verses everyday from the Book of Mormon, and then a chapter or so from the Bible. Wish me luck! :)

♥ Sariah

Happy Sabbath :)

So today has been rather uneventful, but a lovely day nonetheless. I just love Sundays. :)

Yesterday I spent the day nerding it up at the library with the bestie... surprisingly, we both actually got quite a bit of work done! Plus, we had two pickernicks at the park: one of strawberries and yoghurt for breakfast, and tuna-and-salad Subway, pumpkin cous cous salad and lemonade for lunch. Deeeelish.

Blazer: thrifted

Shirt: thrifted

Skirt: thrifted dress cut into a skirt

Boots: Target

Necklace: Made of bits and bobs from other necklaces

I wore this the other day and just realised that except for my shoes, tights and jewellery, this outfit only cost me $3!

Well, the aroma of warm zucchini slice is wafting in from the kitchen, so I'd better go grab some before it all disappears!

♥ Sariah

& you make me feel like the sun always shines. ♫♥

When I Look into Your Eyes - Shane Harper.

Wow, Radio Disney (yes, I listen to it sometimes :D) is so influential... Last night, I was really tired and while I was listening, Bridgit Mendler said that you should unplug your laptop overnight, once it has fully charged. I hardly remember doing it, but I must have reached out and pulled my charger out of the power point because in the morning that's how it was. The funniest ads, though, are the "Words from the Wise" or whatever they're called... They teach about doing your homework, exercising, not eating too much candy, picking up your rubbish, etc. Obviously they have really good messages aimed at children, it's just the way they're presented that makes me laugh. :)

Anyways, my not-buying-anymore-clothes thing kinda failed... Yesterday I went thrift shopping, looking for a dress to wear to my best friend's formal later this month. I didn't really find anything suitable, but I did find this green jacket/blazer marked down to $1. I really like it, and it's really comfortable and not too warm.

As it turns out, the decoration theme of the formal is purple, and I happen to already have a purple formal dress, so I suppose that is what I shall be wearing. I was only looking for a new one because I've worn that to a couple of dances already, but since this one will pretty much be with complete strangers, who cares?

This morning I'm being lazy when I should be finishing an Italian presentation I have to give tomorrow... So not looking forward to it, I don't see how I'm going to remember my whole speech. Oh well. This is what I'm wearing today:

Shirt: Thrifted

Vest: Thrifted

Jeans: Big W

Boots: Target

Necklace: Either Diva or Equip (pretty much the same anyway)

I used to love that vest (and still do, I guess) but I haven't worn it all Autumn/Winter and now it's Spring so I probably won't have the opportunity to again. :(

Anyways, I think I shall be leaving soon for uni, so have a wonderful day :)

♥ Sariah

& I don't know you but I want you all the more for that. ♪

Lyrics from Falling Slowly by Jake Coco ft. Caitlin Hart... Do you ever meet someone, and just feel so... fascinated... by them? And you won't stop feeling that way until you've discovered every detail, every reason, every piece of the puzzle that makes them who they are. You won't be satisfied until the moment that you stare into their eyes and catch a glimpse of their soul, a view that's taken so long to ease out of obscurity. This happens to me all the time, but I don't always reach that moment and it frustrates me. I just have to know. I have to know who they are and what they believe in and what they're afraid of and what inspires them and what makes them crinkly-nose smile all the way to their toes.

Anyways, let's swim back to shallower waters.

Last week after uni, I happened to stumble upon racks and racks of winter mark downs at Big W, priced between $3-$10. Of course, I had to take a look. I only had a few minutes to scavenge amongst the clearance items, but I managed to snag a few bargains:

Green cardigan: $10

Green Striped top: $5

Floral top: $5

Jeans w/belt : $10

Even though they were slightly impulsive buys, I'm quite pleased because I've been able to mix and match lots of outfits with them. And they're rather light too, which is perfect for Spring. So even though I don't usually spend that much in one go (I know it's only $30, but seriously, I'm tight... I prefer to use that money for food/other people :P), I think it was worth it. :)

Today before work, I stopped in at an op shop with my eldest brother. It wasn't as good as other times I've been there, but I managed to find a few things that caught my fancy:

Black and brown Marco Polo knit cardigan: $1

Oversized white shirt: $1

Blue shirt (to wear as a light jacket): $1

Amazingly comfy at-home pants which I am currently wearing with a cosy pink sweater: $1

So yeah, quite a few new clothes lately. Buuut I've drawn up a budget and I really, really, really want to try and stick to it, or else next year I'll be one broke uni student! Also... I have way too many clothes! I should take an inventory, perhaps it would dissuade me from feeling like I need anything new. Half the time I only feel like I have nothing to wear because I can't find anything, my room/closet/drawers/bed are that cluttered. I'm such a neat freak and I hate having a messy room, but you'd never guess it! :/

Okay, enough about clothes and clutter. In other news, I finished the Book of Mormon again the other night. I love it how no matter how many times you read it, you can always learn something new every time. I just know that it's true and I wish I were better at sharing that with others.

Tomorrow I'm planning to spend the day at my best friend's house. :) The only downside is that I'm only allowed over on the provision that we will study because he's in his last year of high school has exams coming up next month. It's okay though, because I have a LOT of uni work to catch up on, and I shouldn't really be going out all Saturday but he's had a lot going on lately and I figured he could use the moral support.

Well, I should probably head off... early start tomorrow!

♥ Sariah

& you're beautiful when you smile like that. ♪♥

Lyrics from Hideaway by Shane Harper. I think I'm in love... all his songs are so, so cute. Just saying.

Anyways, I decided to raid my sister's wardrobe yesterday, and I found this pretty floral vintage shirt which I wore today. :)

Black charity bracelet from Cotton On (it has a silver charm with 'believe' written on it, but you can't see it in the pic), silver 'Sariah ♥' ID and a silver scripture bracelet from the bestie... I wear these pretty much every day. :)

Shirt: thrifted

Cardigan: Big W

Jeans: Jay Jays

Boots: Target

I saw a video tutorial (forgot the link :/) for a messy fishtail plait ponytail, so I thought I'd give it a try... this one kind of exceeds just "messy" because it's from yesterday.

Nothing much happened today. I overslept (till 7am) and figured I didn't have enough time to get ready fast enough to make it to my first lecture so I stayed in bed a bit longer. It actually worked out well because I just read over it online, then went in to uni for 12-3 instead of 9-3... I should do that more often. :D My tutorial and two lectures weren't that enlightening, but interesting, I suppose. It's funny how you just know something, a gospel truth, but there are a million and one theories scrabbling around in the dark trying to explain it. I've found that a lot this year, it makes me grateful to have something solid to cling to. :)

Well, I should probably be getting some rest because even though I have a late start tomorrow, I have an Italian test and therefore should probably get up a little early to study. Then again... if I get up, will I even study anyway?

♥ Sariah

Meet the Bestie :)

Last weekend, my best friend came to visit for the first time in a billion years. Well, three months to be precise. In all fairness, it's not exactly his fault he hasn't been over here (I've been to see him at least once every two weeks) because he's had moving house, babysitting, exams and life in general to deal with. So I forgive him. :)




We met up at (my) uni, where we had a delightful yoghurt-and-strawberries breakfast in the park and did a spot of shopping before we caught the bus back to my house. Once there, we watched Horton Hears a Who (one of the best movies everrr and he hadn't even seen it!), ate lasagne and salad for lunch and since the weather was so lovely, went for a walk-and-talk. Nothing too profound but overall, it was a really nice day. :)



Me holding a clover "world" (see Horton Hears a Who).




Cardigan: from an old neighbour... I don't usually wear orange but I don't mind this.
White Shirt: my sister's, thrifted
Jeans: JayJays
Boots: Target
Necklace: Diva (you can't really see it, but it's a dainty light gold pocket watch)



An "echidna" we found... It's actually a pine cone or something. :)



On our walk, we went to my "secret spot" where I used to go to look at the sky and think. To our great surprise and delight, there was a special little rainbow waiting to greet us. :)

I'm so lucky to have a best friend who appreciates the simple things in life, and whom I can be myself around. Most of the time, I think we really help each other be better people. I know things can't always stay the easy, comfortable way they are, but for now I'm just grateful for the things I have and the things I'm learning. :)

Oh, and my favourite scripture today comes from Moroni 8:16: 'fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear.'
Pretty self explanatory. I love it.

♥ Sariah